Personal Development

The part of life when we feel failed and what we can do about that

In 2021, more than 3000 books on self-help were published only in English. Compared to the previous two years, the percentage of books in this area has increased by more than twelve percent in 2020 and more than twenty percent compared to 2019. In a study on what caused this increase, the analyzers found that people become more and more stressed while working in the “new normal.”

The “Wallstreet journal” published a study in 2021 where sixty-nine percent of the people shared that the stress level caused by the new conditions of working and living has caused them to be more stressed and feel more often depressed and get panic attacks. The priorities in work and life have changed. The social interaction – limited and inconsistent behavior and policies of the governments and the companies have caused an increasing inability to balance work and life priorities.

And the stress caused by the new environment has left many people with no clear path for themselves and their families or friends. As a result, many try to reduce stress by quitting their jobs and investing more money in therapies or things they do not need. This spending culture scratches the surface of the problem but does not lead to any sustainable results.

At the beginning of 2022, I have seen many people throwing garbage bags with things they have bought for Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Something that they did not even use during this period, bottles of drinks they had not drank to the bottom, presents that people have received but were not attracted by. There are many examples of that emptiness, but at the same time, it shows that many people do not plan what they need as resources to achieve happiness and feel successful. At the same time, many live in the “meta-universe” where short-term pleasure gives them the feeling of unrealistic relief.

The more people age, the more they stop investing in their dreams and goals. According to an HBR study, only twenty-three percent of people in the UK have long-term goals and stick to them. Compared to the UK, Eastern Europe people are doing even worse than that.  

Unsurprisingly, so many people wait for miracles to save themselves from this situation. But another group of people also does not fit in this profile. They always succeed in everything (or it looks so from the outside). These people are different. They look energized as if they do not see obstacles if all doors open for them.

And the people who struggle in life tend to think that there has been an almighty power, a happy coincidence, or a powerful relative who has helped them succeed.

Well, guess what: This is not true. People who have succeeded have put a lot of effort into achieving results. Look, for example, at Paris Hilton – she owns one of the world’s largest and most respected hotel chains. But before taking the business from her family, she worked different jobs – even DJ-ing, to ensure her expenses would be covered.  

No one is ensured against that. We do not know what can happen to us. No one has a crystal ball to tell the future, so the one thing anyone can do is to prepare for situations like this and act as balanced as the case allows. There must always be a plan for getting back on track. Whether this plan will be implemented now or will remain untouched for an unknown period, it must be there to help you react to the disturbing situation in the best way that can solve the problem and, at the same time, energize you again. I have helped people from different professions and fields of expertise get back on track, maximize the outputs of “lost situations,” and achieve better results in their lives and work. What worked for them may also be a good starting point for you.

Slow before stopping

Stopping a bad situation from the first try is too heavy for our minds. The tempo we used to work with is no more at once, and we feel empty and have no purpose in life and work. Stopping at once may look tempting, but it causes more stress than it helps. The better approach is to show what you do, analyze the situation, and cut off activities that overwhelm you.

Stop your number of actions and activities.

I have worked with people who came to me because they have lost purpose in life and work. Someone has taught them that they may have to get rid of a reasonable amount of actions or activities to feel happy. No matter what someone tells you, the thirty percent cut activities for someone you know can be a larger or smaller number for you. Getting to the correct number that suits your needs is only possible if you disconnect one by each other all the things that you think may cause a lot of stress. That is safer for you and won’t cause more negative stress to you or the people around you.

Use your new free time wisely.

“When I have more time, I will use it to play on my Playstation and go out with friends,” a client told me. It may look tempting to do that or something similar, but you need to first think into perspective. Will that lead to anything you want to achieve in the long term? I don’t say that you have to skip these activities- they bring joy to your life, but you need to think and plan wisely about how you want to spend your new free time to add long-term value to your life. We feel failed and down, not because we missed a meeting with our friends or a game on an Asian server for our favorite game, but because we can’t invest time in what is meaningful for us in the long term. So planning how to use your time is crucial to get you out of the black hole you have got in and help you get back on track with what has been and will be meaningful for you.

Get yourself a buddy

Your friends and relatives may bring some fun to your life, but are they the partners to help you achieve great results for yourself? When you feel down and fail, you need someone with whom you can walk the path. This someone may or may not be from your close circle of known people. When you choose that someone, you need to be realistic and answer yourself, “How will this person help me in my long-term journey?”. There is no need to take someone to help you just because you know the person or feel obliged to turn to them because it is someone from your family or your circle of friends. Your buddy must be a person who can help you grow and change. It may be a natural person near you or someone far away from you who inspires you with their actions and results achieved.  

Praise and reward your achievements.

People like to be praised and rewarded by everyone else except themselves. We seek approval from authorities, friends, family, and groups we are part of, but not from ourselves. The growing person knows that not anyone will praise them for what they have achieved and that, in many cases, people do not see their achievement as something meaningful because it is not on their agenda. At the same time, we know what we have achieved and how we got this time when we can say that we accomplished something great. Then why not celebrate that something essential for us? Here I do not mean to organize a big event, but do something for yourself that will make you happy and help you relax. Establishing this habit of praising and rewarding yourself can quickly boost your success.

List your achievements somewhere you can always look at them.

Falling into the trap of feeling failed and down is a condition that can happen many times. We all have ups and downs. In moments like these, we need motivation, a booster that can help us get back on track. And while rewarding is a short-term incentive, the one that may be required is deeper and connected with our history. It will be helpful to keep all your achievements in a place where you can go through them and see what you have achieved. There is nothing more motivating in life when you have difficulty remembering that you have been in a similar situation before and that this situation has brought something positive.


Failing is part of life and work. In the beginning, we lose ground and start thinking negatively. However, the right tools and mindset can quickly turn a failure into a great personal success. You only need to focus on the air and yourself.


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