Personal Development

Three mistakes to look  for when negotiating

In the past, a small number of people have used negotiation skills, but now we must rely on them in different situations. For example, we negotiate with our mobile operator to get a better plan that suits our needs; the bank to get better conditions for our credit line; our neighbors to change something in the building or around the building we live in, with our beloved ones on how to plan our trip. There are so many different opportunities to negotiate that this skill has evolved from the others we use in our daily routines and is now a sign of how successful we can become.

While practicing the skill, many of us do it without any supervision or guidance, relying only on our gut or understanding what it means and putting it in action the right way to ensure positive results for us and others.

Negotiation is often understood as a one-way win. Yet, no matter the researches made, theories published, and practices established, we still negotiate with the thought “What is in for me?” but without thinking of what will be in for the other party. It comes from our Alter Ego, the dark side pushing us to win no matter the price we can pay afterward.

It is not surprising that there are still many people not knowing how to negotiate. Therefore, they go to the negotiation table with the thought that they must win or it will be better not to start the negotiation.

With this thought in mind, people often start negotiation with so much passion(and aggression) that the dead-end is almost hundred percent ensured.

According to a study published at, back in 2020, sixty-three percent of the people start the negotiation with the thought that they will fail. A massive percent of non-believers in the negotiation in a world where negotiation is a daily norm.

Many people fail in the negotiation because of three simple mistakes they make. Down the article, you will find these three mistakes and three simple ways to manage the path of negotiation to success.

Defensive mindset

While we start negotiation, we often think that we are right and the other party is wrong. And during the whole conversation, we try to prove that mindset is right for us. That process causes us to become defensive, increases the energy level, and makes us aggressive to defend what we think is right. A defensive mindset is the prerequisite of conflict. It comes to protect our ego, and while we feel like the strong side in the negotiation – a defensive attitude makes us feel like winners – false winners, but still winners. So it is in the small talk we start, in the position we defend, in the role of the other party we try to belittle.

The easy walkout from this situation can be to stop talking and start listening more.

Bullyfying the other side

Trying to be on top of the conversation and feel like a winning side, we change our mindset during negotiation. The nice person we live with steps down and gives the stage to a much unpleasant individual. One of the defense mechanisms often showing when negotiation is negatively loaded is bullying the other side. It can take different forms like minimizing the impact the other’s words have in our mind, showing how stupid their position sounds, talking through the other participant, and not allowing him to finish his thoughts. There are many ways we use bullying as a tool to win, but what we must know is that trying to get on top of the conversation without listening to the other side’s perspective and point of view damages it and makes us look more like losers than winners. This set of actions increases anger and generates strong emotions that can turn into a storm and fell the negotiation.

To handle it, often, the person needs to step back and try looking at the situation from the other side’s perspective. It is not easy, but some practice can turn from a problem into a safe place for mind and body.

Emotionally burning out 

Did you ever got to the limit of your emotional stability and turned into an angry person? Emotions start to increase, the level of stress levels up, and then everything stops. And you do not care anymore about anything. Does this sound familiar? Well, you are not alone in this. According to a University of Columbia study across 1200 managers, forty-eight percent of negotiations fail because of causing emotional burnout. Emotionally driven people can easily fall into the trap of emotional burnout. Often caused by too many emotions, this state of body and mind makes people feel helpless and inadequate to the surrounding world.

To handle the burnout syndrome, the person will need to focus on calming down and putting logical thinking in front of the emotional brain.

Negotiation is a complex process with a straightforward reason and end goal: to make both sides win something important. The state of mind and body is crucial to create the most significant win from every negotiation. Learning to negotiate is more than just learning a skill. It is more a way for the person to learn self-discipline and self-control. Whomever masters negotiation gains more than a valuable skill; this person becomes the owner of himself and the situations he enters.


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