“The new reality has come to stay.” But in this new reality, people changed a lot. The warm social contact has been moved into the “digital environment,” causing everyone to feel less responsible about what they are talking about. People have become home irresponsible about what they say, to whom they say it, and what impact this may have. We see it all the time. The most irrelevant situation is the one with people returning to the workplace. So nearly half of the people blame their companies and leaders that if they have to replace the office, the next step will be to exit the company. According to an Inc.com research and article, fifty-three percent of people demonstrate disrespect toward company policies and other team members. And another forty-one percent get negative behind the backs of their colleagues.
The moral has shifted from what we can achieve together to more of what I can get for myself.
In the new and changing environment, companies are getting more and more critique about their actions to keep the peace. Team leaders, company boards, and HR teams are accused of not being able to find a working solution. But how can you find a working solution if one of the parties in this solution does not even have self-continues? What is its behavior causing? Therefore, self-evaluation and self-critique have become more critical than ever. People who want to see the change must be first critical of themselves and next to others and the outside world. With a balanced self-evaluation technique, identifying opportunities to become a better person, everyone can build on the current situation and get out of it as a winner.
Years ago, I had a very wise lecturer in the university who told me that the only person who sabotages us is looking at everyone in the mirror every morning. At first, I did not understand what he meant, but years after that, to improve myself, I started a coaching program with a famous coach in my country. The coach told me something similar to the words of my lecturer from the university. Still, working with him, I have found four different modulators of my behavior at work and in my personal life. With these modulators in my behavior, I have turned from the friendly high school graduate to an excentric and not liked person, pushing people away from him. At the same time, I was trying to change that. I have worked for more than two years to change my behavior and language and win others again toward what I was doing. But these four irresponsible ways I have used the language are still a potent reminder of how I can hurt my relationships and lose trust by not giving enough attention to my speech and what people hear from me.
When you are young and have no power, knowledge, or expertise, you can easily blame everyone and everything for what is happening around you. We are all the same. No matter what anyone can say to you, there is a pattern that young people blame others for their lack of success. While teenagers, people blame their parents for not giving them enough freedom. In contrast, most of us in the university blame the system for not having enough time for learning, partying, and working altogether. This is a slight problem, while we still learn how to behave. The trouble comes if we continue to blame others for everything that happens to us. But if you continue to constantly blame everything and everyone in your life for what is happening with you, you are moving to live not by your rules but by someone else’s agenda. Blaming is a tool that creates convenience because people try to move the challenge from them and give them to someone else. But what these people miss is that constantly blaming others for the lack of success is turning against you. The blaming person often creates a negative image of himself and makes people careful when communicating or interacting with him.
The second inappropriate way we talk is when we use many excuses. This type of talking is similar to the blame, but while we are more active and aggressive in the blaming part, we tend to demonstrate more passive aggression in the excuses part.
“I am sorry I couldn’t enter the meeting, but I have forgotten that I have a scheduled meeting with the dentist.”
“I am sorry for delaying the answer you are expecting, but it turned out to be a crazy day for me…”
Did you hear some of these or similar ones? Well, you have an excuse in front of you. Trying to find why we did not invest time in delivering what is expected is a tool to postpone what we are not sure about. If you have become a person of excuse, it will be easier for you to ask someone you trust to help you with feedback. Excuses are a passive way of not being open to finishing something. They are primarily insignificant elements that have been turned into your brain for a significant challenge to save him from the inconvenience of not showing any weakness in completing a task. We use many of them daily, and their appearance ensures no one. As faster as you can define what type of excuses you use and how they slow or stop your results, the quicker you will be able to work toward minimizing excuses and creating astonishing results
We often get to the direct negative side in communication and commitment in this form of talking. Talking in that way shows that we do not accept the value others are adding. A disrespectful person can use words, trying to decrease the value of others while showing no interest or engagement with them. The rude talk harms the relationship by creating inconvenience by not accepting the other person or people’s individuality. Being disrespectful can be spotted in phrases like:
“You won’t understand that”
“I don’t care.”
“I hate you,” etc.
Phrases like these work simultaneously toward the other person and you. Unfortunately, we often do not realize that we use them. If you want to be accepted in your work, team, and community, the first thing is to stop and analyze your language. After identifying the level of disrespect, you will have to implement a mechanism to control it o that it can’t damage the relationships and results you deliver.
Negativity about one
The final form of inappropriate communication and language is direct aggression. This form is often shown in combination with some of the other three states and is hard to be spotted. People see it directly after it is too late. Being antagonistic toward one can be seen in a light form where the negative person acts with the intent to delay others and make them feel uncomfortable while delivering results or being hard and speaking directly with offense to others. In this case, the negative person uses words like:
The negative nuance while using negative words is often shown as a warning or “friendly advice” to help the other person see the truth and be inactive toward the change.
Negativity about others creates discrepancy, with the only reason to weaken the other person and lower the effect of their actions.
While spotting negativity n your words, the best approach can be to stop talking, turn somewhere where you can think about your language, change the language and phrases you use, and from general terms and situations to turn them into positive expressions, supporting others in their journey of success.
The words we use define us as a person. The effect of our terms and language can position us as winners or turn us into the corner of the positioners and negative people in the room. The more time we invest into controlling our harmful language, the better result we can achieve individually or as part of a successful team. So, what are you waiting for… Analyze your language to find the best ways to position yourself in a more successful role and position.