Recently, I have met a person who was devastated by what was happening around them. The person shared how uncomfortable he feels around new colleagues, how people have changed around him, and how this change affected his view of the world. After two long sessions lasting more than 1.5 hours each, we ended up in a place where the person understood that there is no one-color situation and that what happens to them is a colourful palette that needs attention to be managed. Two months ahead in time, and this same person looks different – they don’t overreact, their emotional bond to what happens around them is more balanced, and their future outlook is quite logical and stable.
What was the problem, then? You may ask yourself. And here is where the single mind comes to a dead end. There was no problem, but a shift that the person was afraid to make. Grown in a small town with open and direct communication, and having grown up on the streets with no fear of others, this person has moved to a different place after graduating from university. Seeing opportunities to learn and develop has made the person more courageous to decide to move to a different place. But what they experienced was a clash of cultural and value standards. What seemed normal and worked in the small town was seen as strange and unacceptable in the big city. The well-known neighbours, who were there for each other, were replaced with people focused on their well-being and not caring much for others. People on the same floor of the building where the person lived were also looking busy and not interested in forming a personal relationship. The building owners’ meetings were more about everyone showcasing their focus on their agenda, rather than finding a balanced solution that satisfies most people. The colleagues at work were building siloes where new people weren’t welcomed easily. The girlfriend he saw and thought was his soulmate was more interested in her agenda.
And with all that stress and people trying to get through whatever was needed to achieve their goal, no matter the impact on others, this person was crushed. He often spoke with his family, still living in the small town, and was encouraged not to give up. Yet, his father was harsher and used phrases like “you need to show that you are a man”, and his mother was there to listen and give some advice, but not allow him to get back to what made him feel comfortable.
And here you may say that this is normal behaviour for everyone, making a step forward and planning for growth. Comfortability should be left behind, and an open space and path for growth and development should be created, embracing both the positives and negatives.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that each of us, regardless of our strength or focus, responds uniquely to our environment. Some of us may have more emotional reactions, while others may approach situations with a more detached, logical perspective. Understanding our tendencies and reactions is a fundamental aspect of self-awareness and personal growth.
At this point, you might be tempted to dismiss this as irrelevant to your own experiences. However, if you’ve ever felt vulnerable, weak, devastated, or afraid during your journey of growth, I urge you to continue reading. You may find similarities in how you’ve dealt with such situations, or discover tips on how to forge your path of growth and adaptation in new environments, without compromising your most valuable asset – yourself.
Are you ready to continue your journey of growth and adaptation? Let’s embark on a deeper exploration of your personal development…
STEP BACK
When faced with unprecedented or unexpected situations and shifts, we often react emotionally. And it couldn’t be any different. After all, people are beings with emotions who cry to show themselves on the surface. The longer the individual suppresses those emotions, the more power they gain to release them in a sudden, overwhelming surge at a specific moment in time. And when that happens, the usual behaviour is hostility, threat, accusation, negativity, and anger. And it is anger that surprises everyone around, just because they haven’t seen that individual within this image and role. And what you get in response to your reaction is often a push back from others that comes in different forms. This happens as a pattern to everyone who is dealing with changes. Of course, it takes various forms, but still the most crucial part stays with the individual – to stop and step back. Stopping the pace of what is happening gives time to calm and arrange your logical competence. It provides what an individual misses most – time to stabilize.
LOOK AT THE WHOLE PICTURE FIRST
People tend to lose themselves in the moment. They struggle with something and focus on the particular moment in time to make themselves feel better. This short-term win yields immediate results, but ultimately loses the person in the long run. What you do now may not have a lasting positive impact on your well-being. Sticking to what is here and now is not a good prerequisite for ensuring long-term well-being. However, stepping back and examining the broader environment, without bias and as a curious individual who wants to gather information, is an essential step. Not being in the loop allows you to get more details and focus on how to categorize the whole picture and its elements.
CREATE YOUR POCKETS FULL OF THINGS
Sounds easy, but it’s a challenging step to achieve. Here, stepping back and examining the elements evolves into something more structured, grouped content by topic and impact. You may create two, three, or more pockets, but be sure to include a variety of information in each so that you can build a comprehensive framework of what a job entails. This will be especially useful for your strategy. Some examples of pockets may include: supporters, Drainers, and Toxic impactors, among others. Although this may seem like a mundane exercise, it helps you sharpen your focus on various topics by allowing you to identify patterns in each one. Why is this important? You will understand in the following steps.
SHARPEN POCKETS AND EXPLICIT CONTENT
Now, we tend to overreact in some situations and attach our emotions to things, rather than examining them logically. Spending some time to review each pocket, which is already created and filled with information, is a vital mini-step for the next part of the process. Looking carefully at each of them and comparing what you have already added can help you weigh the content and, at the same time, relocate some of the weaker items to a pocket where they have more weight and impact.
FORM THE YES or NOs
Here is the step where you will need to be direct and honest with yourself, and also attach someone else you trust to be with you. At this step, you compare and rank the options. Here is where what you have in each pocket is compared with your internal beliefs, understandings, and behaviours. Initially, compare your internal profile with what you see in every pocket and assess the level of cleanliness or difference. You do a simple, but unfortunately, honest comparison. To know where you limit your interaction and with what behaviours you don’t want to deal with, and can’t make a compromise. And here is where most people stop. And of course, they stay miserable. It is not done on purpose, but your psychological conscience, as with many other people, is coming to save you from embarrassment. And it does this by prompting you to consider how flexible and accepting your mind and inner self are toward discrepancies in your relationships. There is nothing wrong with incorporating some flexibility into relationships, but on every level of a relationship, there should be a clear distinction between acceptable and unacceptable levels of tolerance. Here is where you have to put your secret weapon – the honest person you trust who can add more specifics and objectivity to your choices. Asking them to do what you have already done is a step in the process that helps you gain more clarity on where you stand, how you behave, and what your reactions are toward the environment and its impact on you. At this point, you begin to develop your actual level of flexibility and acceptance or decline in what the world around you offers in terms of behavior, attitude, and approach.
WRITE THEM DOWN
Now, imagine you have already hit the ‘YES’ and ‘NO’ buttons, and you are good to go. Well…not exactly. The next step for you is to make them visible. It can be a simple list of things you may describe, an infographic or visual model you may create, or a message you record where you explain what you discovered for yourself. However, regardless of the choice you make, it should be concise, clear, and understandable. The simpler and more direct the message is, the more impactful it will appear to you and others around you. But the catch is that you have to see it. This written message conveys your internal standards and norms, communicating them to others simultaneously. It helps you focus more on what is good and reminds you of what to avoid to stay productive, effective, aligned with the environment, and a winner. The visual representation of what you will summarize in both categories depends on how you want to present the content, but the mandatory element is that you must create it. It will represent you, and it should appear first to you and then to the others around you.
THE DEFENSE OF WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY COMMUNICATED – MISSION CRITICAL
You wrote everything, you communicated what is essential to you as a person and individual, and still, someone with a fancy title or a hierarchically higher role comes along and accuses you of not being flexible, appearing stubborn, and living in the past. And here is where you should change if you want to “be part of the team”. What you do next is essential not only for you but also for the others around you. Listening carefully to the person who came to insist that you change your principles is important because you need to understand why they are pushing you to change. But if you trust your decision to communicate your statement publicly, you’d better get your ass up and respond promptly. At the end of 2024, I had a conversation with a senior official at my workplace. It began with accusations that I had become distant and unresponsive to some of the requests made of me. In response, I explained how these requests were affecting my well-being and causing undue stress. Then I provided examples that almost led me to a burnout stage and connected them with my “lack of adequate responsiveness,” as the other party had named it. At the end of the conversation, we transitioned from the “you are not trusted anymore” phase to questions like, “What do you expect me to do to help you restore your inner balance and energy and stay connected to our organization?” Here is where you must stress. You don’t need promises for someone to support your journey unquestioningly, even if this is the CEO of the company. You need to have them committed to supporting your choices when required and helping you reposition yourself in the minds, hearts, and everyday environment of the others around you.
SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF
Now, you’ve written what you need others to understand; put it in a visible place so that others can see it and follow it. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. The new YOU is expecting your effort to communicate it constantly. In all situations that trouble you, the step you should consider is how to communicate your inner self directly to others. Don’t think of how you may insult them. After all, what you need is to create comfort in the environment you live and work. When you want to sustain a new approach toward yourself, you must start from yourself. Your latest personality and image depend on how you present yourself. Do not make the mistake of expecting others to understand and accept your new you. They have their pictures to carry, and sometimes these images may be in direct collision with your understandings and beliefs. It is a personal choice to decide how and whether to act. The more active you are in the process of presenting your unique personality to others.
FINAL WORDS:
No space for improvement is too large or too small. When a person wants to be recognized and become an active factor in their environment, they need to take action. Personalities are unique, and it is up to the individual to choose a strategy that affirms their unique presence and makes others see them as an integral part of the environment, deserving attention and being treated as a valued partner, rather than a silent shadow. The more a person works on positioning themselves, the more they create comfort and balance for themselves. Being active means recognition, and recognition, in itself, grants respect from others and pride from yourself. Now, what are you waiting for? Have you already recognized your uniqueness and understood how much it matters to you and how it impacts those around you? If not, now is the perfect time to begin your journey of self-discovery and uncovering your unique value proposition.
The Human place - a path from you to yourself 