Leadership, Personal Development


The topic of emotional intelligence goes further in the modern business world. Stepping on the basics of the self-awareness, next step to all who want to further develop this specific type of intelligence is to learn how to manage it for good and achieve better results and a higher level of efficiency and productivity in their lives and work. The next  big thing  in the emotional intelligence building journey  is to  achieve a higher level  of SELF- MANAGEMENT

This element is referred to in some of the researches and materials from different authors as some type of self-regulation. \it is often connected with taking responsibility for your emotions. If you can take this type of responsibility then you will be able to build tools to support your emotional health. That, in turn, can help you to be more successful in motivating yourself to achieve higher results and easily overcome the block, by remaining in a move to the things you want in your life. When being able to self-manage you will be able to experience emotions without letting them control you and your life. From a study, I read back in 2013 I have built my own list of skills attributes, including 5 different attributes. Here I’m offering them to you:


This I connect with the ability to stop and think before you react. This is a common characteristic of most of the introverts(like myself).  It involves knowing what is important for you and how you will translate this importance to real actions and behaviors. The most obvious advice you can get on to explain self-control lays in a saying you have maybe heard in your family. In my  family, this saying was: “Before doing something, stop, count to 7, and then decide what  to do.”(why seven and not five or ten you will ask. I  really  don’t know, this is how my  grandfather and father always said it to me.)

  • Reflection

This is one of the ways to enhance self-control. Dozen of studies, conducted by researchers from Harvard Business School,  Budapest school of management, Romanian consultants association, Australian Universities association, UK research institute for emotional intelligence,  confest that there are two basic emotions – fear and desire. When you understand these both emotions and how they drive your reactions in different situations. To better reflect in a situation you must find about yourself if the situation is really the treat you thought,  what the best action for this situation can be and what resources you will need to complete this action successfully.

  • Reframing

This is another tool that you can use. People often move forward with negative expressions and that only makes things worse. Reframing means to try to transform a negative feeling, emotion or thought in a positive and constructive way. By that you lower the negativity level and put some constructive thinking in the situation, to help you build activity on it. To understand what I mean look at the example below:

Original thought:  No one is interested in what  I think.

Reframed thought: My idea isn’t chosen as a successful. Perhaps it will be useful to collect some feedback on that last idea.

Reframing your negative thoughts opens space for action and improvement and is a starting point for planning the next steps. Focusing on the negative statement positions it as a last step in the process, without any further opportunity.

  • Rehearsal

If you have used the previous two tools maybe you have already built a plan how would you proceed next. But to be sure that the plan you have built is the best you can rehearse it in your mind. This tool can be used after you already know where you are planning to go as next and you only need to decide how will you push you outside that limits that you have set for yourself. This tool will also help you to be prepared next time you will need to implement an action to deal with emotions in different situations.  


As defined by the Cambridge English dictionary CONSCIENTIOUSNESS means putting a lot of effort into your work.  But as it is related to emotional intelligence it means that you may stay alert and committed to the practice of taking responsibility for your emotions even if they are strong to commit to finishing work or completing a project you have committed to. In other words that means to move from blaming others for your feelings to admit that you understand that those feelings are only inside you. To illustrate this I’m offering you  two short examples:

Example 1:

Blaming: He/she made me so angry 

Taking responsibility: I am angry

Example 2:

Blaming: He/she upset me very  much   

Taking responsibility: I am upset

If you look carefully to these two examples you will easily recognize that the blaming part puts the responsibility on others, while the taking responsibility part gives control to the person over the emotion, while admitting that this emotion is with the person only.

To further upgrade your skills and understanding on conscientiousness you will need to build your strategy on analyzing and transforming emotions from ones you cannot control to ones that are in your control.  


The fact in nature and life is that everything always changes. Budgets and positions get cut, people leave organizations,  companies lose or win market share, etc. In order to develop the adaptability skill, you will need to identify why change might cause a negative emotional response. Some of the most expressed fears in work  for example are:

  • The fear of losing your status as a top  performer in your job;
  • The fear of not getting along with  new colleagues,  team,  or boss;
  • The fear that you won’t ever get the privileges that your boss has, etc.

And these are just some of the changes that can affect your emotional status. The way to fight them is to understand them, accept them and plan to change yourself within the specifics of the uprising situation.


If you are successful in self-managing you will be also able to wisely chose the actions that will drive your behavior to ensure that you achieve your and your team goals. People who are strong in this are determining what is important and prioritize it successfully. They have several characteristics that make them what they are. They:

  • Do not allow pride to  affect their actions;
  • Move ahead with  actions that will help  them achieve the goal and void those who  will stop them;
  • Do not divide  jobs by  level;
  • Admit when having problems and ask  for help;
  • Celebrate success.

But to achieve goals you will have to put the initiative in the game. That means that you will need to stop blaming others for your problems and look for your own role in a current situation. You must accept the responsibility for making necessary changes to achieve your goals. You must walk to the next step in your development by moving through the achievements you have achieved up to now. You must take the initiative for conflict resolutions and problem-solving. In the words of the self-management, you must take the initiative to clear away negative emotions stopping or hindering you, and take actions to prevent similar occurrences in the future.  


Emotional intelligence is a complex state of mind, soul and body that can’t be achieved easily. To ensure that you grow emotionally you will need to focus on emotions, and most importantly on how to manage them successfully. Only by managing emotions and redirecting their power in a positive way you can get further and grow as an emotionally strong personality.

But to further grow emotionally you will need to further grow your social awareness and social skills.  If you want to shortly understand how to check the next chapter soon.

Have you missed the previous chapters?

Find them here:

Chapter 1: Emotional intelligence explained in a taxi ride

Chapter 2: Emotional intelligence – practical guide to understanding the steps to develop  it –  building self-awareness  



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