Have you ever found yourself in a situation where a decision that directly impacts your work was made without your input? How did that make you feel—empowered, frustrated, or indifferent? Recognizing and managing these emotions is crucial in taking control of your professional journey.
All these emotions are just different faces of your inner you. No matter the feeling in the beginning, in the long run, you will always feel that you are not essential and that others think of you as someone who can be controlled and moved wherever they want to see you. Now, how does that make you feel? I assume that here the answer will be closer to pissed off and angry.
But why all that noise? Why could you not accept that others may see better ways to develop you instead of you doing this by yourself? After all, they see from a distance and may have seen some details you missed, like blind spots – or maybe not? Why doubt what people above you do for the sake of your good?
While some may attribute these feelings to ego, I see it differently. According to an HBR article published by the Chartered Institute for People Development in the UK, in 2023, seventy-one percent of people answered that question with a different word than Ego. This word is Choice. Understanding that you can choose your response to workplace frustrations can be empowering.
We like to choose by ourselves. Whether it is the food at the grocery store, the choice from the restaurant menu, or even the destination we want to visit, we always want to do it on our own. And leaving someone else to take our choice from us makes us feel insecure and, at the same time, doubt our judging instruments and inner US.
While our decisions in our personal lives may be easier to manage as choices and even consequences, sometimes, at work, we have limited or no choice. And this is how it feels, no matter what someone else can say.
Recently, I spoke to a person in a leadership role at a fast-changing company. The speed of change was so rapid for the company that the HQ took all decisions from the subsidiaries. The agenda for changing technologies, implementing new processes, and communication leadership development agenda was overtaken by several people in the HQ of the company, and all their subsidiaries were only informed of what was expected from them without any discussion or even an ask for an opinion. For example, the person I have spoken to has been assigned to a leadership program with the same learning organization and the same curriculum that he has already passed with a previous employer. No ask, no consultation, and no feedback – he was informed that he would be part of a curriculum with a training organization via e-mail and a list of other twenty-five-plus people.
Imagine their reaction, anger, frustration, and inner feeling of insignificance. And with that, they came for help.
Their first thought was to find a new employer who would appreciate them more as people and professionals. Their second thought was anger and quiet opposition against the decision made by the HQ people. Third, the situation created low self-esteem for them.
But does it need to be that way? There are many things that an individual can control and others that are out of their control. Pissing off themselves and becoming angry doesn’t solve the problems and challenges but creates space for disruption and discrepancies. However, managing these emotions can make space for personal growth and professional development. Try to look at it from this perspective.
Now, let us return to our hero with the leadership program. The individual is a friend who contacted me while still frustrated and with the only ask to help them get out from the company and find a place where their talents, knowledge, and skills will be appreciated as a person and professionals. This friend, let’s call him John, has been with the company for several years, consistently delivering results and showing growth potential. However, a recent decision by the HQ has left him feeling undervalued and insignificant.
His words were like those of an angry kid. There were no compromises, absolute words with extremes included. All that came from a simple action of someone standing somewhere in the space without even being familiar with the feelings and emotions of the local person.
Many situations in the space around us create the same discrepancy for smaller or bigger reasons. Most happen because of a misunderstanding, insufficient information, and limited knowledge about the other side. In this scenario, the large multinational corporation acts like a traditional employer who wants to set the ground for something better, assuming they have to be at an equal level in their different markets. From a company’s perspective, this is the right thing to be done – executing a global strategy that helps people from around the country be at the same professional and leadership level. On the other hand, what is missing here is that the company assumes that everyone is the same and acts according to that hypothesis. And here is where the roots of the negativity start to grow.
On the other hand, individuals join companies because of a particular need at a specific moment. No one is supposed to remember all the details or track records of what they have upgraded during the years as knowledge, skills, and expertise. It is their responsibility to find a way to show the company that they can do more than the current expectations toward them.
With this double-sided perspective, I have had to work with my friend to show him that not everything is black or white as he sees it but that the situation has colors and nuances.
We sat down and created a list of things to do and not to do in this situation so that he can gain the positives and transfer them to the company’s success and, at the same time, be seen as a perspective individual whose level helps the company and the team grow and succeed further in time.
Here is the simple list of things we created; I hope they can help you make it through hard times also:
Stop everything
While it is vital not to hide and push down emotions, leaving them to flow can create more damage than help the situation become positive. Stopping all the thoughts, the secret escape from this hell-action agenda, and the make-it-or-break-it scenarios that come into mind is crucial for the next steps and the restart of what you want to achieve. Nothing can be more harmful than just turning to your emotions. They are the worst advisor at this moment in time.
List what happened
Starting to solve an issue without even understanding it can cause a catastrophic outcome. The first thing to happen is to have something you can work on to change the situation. Relying on emotions and interpreting situations through them is the wrong thing to do because emotions create blind spots and hide the relevant reasons from you. So, the simple thing to do is pick a pen and paper or your favorite writing app and create two columns. In the first column, you will add the actions from the situation; in the second column, you will add the emotions these actions triggered in you. Sounds simple- right? I can assure you that this will be the most challenging part of your healing. Not because you cannot write them down but because emotions blind some of the actions, and your ego will “take care of you” by hiding some of the vulnerable elements in your behavior.
Outcomes also matter
I have read and studied many models in my life for how people show their authentic inner selves at a current moment, but nowhere was I able to find the outcome from the action-emotions agenda. Most models say to write them down, and you will see them. Well, at least for me, it doesn’t work that way. And I think it is the same with you. The next thing to do is describe the possible outcomes if your emotions take the first place in your decision-making process. The thing here is to write them all down. For some of these consequences, you may need just one line because the outcome will be simple, but for others, you may need to add a cue of actions following after you have done something. The more details you add to your questions, the more steps and scenarios you must consider and create arguments for and against.
Compare the outcomes
Trainers and self-help experts often say that you need to analyze the outcomes. There is no such need here. You are not in an academic role but just putting another hypothesis out of the blue. Now, you need a simple comparison of the outcomes to heighten them through your situation. Quitting may be the first perspective in your mind, but looking at it through the lenses of your situation, it may not be reasonable for someone and a good way to push forward for another person. This depends on factors like how your family will support that step, do you have enough funds to live if you do it right now, are there any weights like a mortgage or something else that may turn that decision into a negative outcome, are you the main person in the family who brings the money, etc. Comparing what you have as questions, some may say it is an analysis, but it is, in fact, nothing else but using your libra and weighing them. Nothing more and nothing less. But why would you do that if you are frustrated, angry, and full of emotions?
Get a clear perspective of where you stand.
Most emotionally taken decisions make people regret taking them in time. This is why you need first to stop. Suppose you have someone near you who can be there and be the voice of logic and reasonability, and then you are good to go. If you do not have such a person around you, you must go through the options and the paths several times until you are sure you don’t miss something. You will be surprised how many new things you will see if you repeat the exercise several times. Clearing the perspective as much as you can will help the following steps to happen with less pushback, anxiety, and insecurity. This is not something magical; it is just the moment when you realize how far you can go if you make one or another decision.
Create your plan as a draft.
I often see people in leadership roles not investing enough time in this step. They make it together with other steps, where the discrepancy happens at the end. And this discrepancy is called an “unrealistic view of the future.” Now, in the case with my friend, we drafted together three scenarios with five to seven steps each—just the agenda, without any other details at first. To allow yourself to build the best agenda for you, you must make it step-by-step. Doing it at once doesn’t work. Individual attention cannot be split into several things at the same time. If done, it weakens the attention to detail and creates blind spots, excluding some essential elements to finish what the individual started. It is in our nature. We see the tasks as challenges that can make us winners or losers. We don’t ask ourselves: “What type of victory are you searching for – quick or stable and consistent in time?”. The plan draft allows the individual to understand their nature of working and winning – short, middle, or long-term wins.
Add the timeframe
This step is the prerequisite for burnout or stable takeout from the situation. Often, people are impatient. And that is true for everyone – me, my friend, you, people in expert roles, people in leadership roles, etc. We want everything to happen now and with no delays. Our consuming mindset needs its narcotic of the current pleasure. And the curse of all this is that with that mindset, people miss the critical elements and fall into the burnout trap. Spending quality time in this step can help balance the plan and get a real win. And even turn the win into a win-win. Planning the steps in time should happen as a process, connected with individual style and tempo. For example, while learning some compensation techniques, I may add a short time for some tasks. At the same time, being inexperienced in this and having to learn how to deal with situations and emotions simultaneously, my friend could need to invest more time. Not balancing speed with personal characteristics and specifics turns a good agenda into a burning from inside hell, and at the end comes the term so beloved by consultants and trainers – burnout. The more careful an individual is when working on the time frame, the higher the level of balance becomes in the agenda.
Add compensation and rewards to the agenda.
In recent years, we have seen the rise of yoga. No matter how things go, an hour of mindful meditation and yoga heals everything. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against those compensation mechanisms, but they work only partially. There is no doubt that there is an effect of using them, and it is positive, but for the individual, relying on something that does not respond to their inner personality creates more harm than good. While money is a stimulus for one person, it may be a tool for someone else, but not worth the effort. Look at the people in the schools. They don’t go there because of the money they will receive but for the help they provide and the success they will see through their students. Defining in the plan what is worth as a reward for you is crucial to be as satisfied as possible with the whole agenda. Some compensation for your effort may be a free evening only for yourself or your loved ones. The reward may be from a couple of bucks to a cake, a chocolate, or something that may look more trivial for others. But what matters is how important and rewarding your choice is for you.
Include change elements
Now, the first agenda you may create can be helpful for a start, but after a while, you may realize that it works only partially. The real value comes with the upgrades. Imagine you are buying a computer. You have invested in a powerful machine that does much work, and one day, a new version of your favorite software is coming out. Everything will work fine on your machine, but you only need to upgrade the RAM module. What will you do? Will you upgrade that part, or will you buy a new machine and start from the beginning with creating, coping, and adjusting settings? You should go for the upgrade. It is the same with the change elements in every agenda. After all, when created, the agenda is relevant for an extended period. No matter how it looks as a decision – directive asks for an order, lack of interest, and operational support, your long-term agenda has a purpose. To fulfill its purpose, you have to boost it up a little bit by implementing changes that will support operational execution at the current moment but keep the long-term final objective alive. This may mean skipping some of the planned activities for the moment or replacing them with more acceptable ones, depending on the situation, or just freezing those elements for a specific time frame after making another effort to resurrect them and include them again in the agenda you have created. The minor fixes you make can help you continue working on your agenda despite the global directive if you believe it will be good in the long run.
Create direction checkpoints
Executing an agenda and not checking how it moves the principal objective wastes time, energy, and nerve cells. To keep your agenda alive, no matter the situational directiveness, you must set clear checkpoints in time for yourself and others. Analyzing what acceptable results may look like for you and the directive leader who rapidly changes your agenda’s face is crucial. You will need to create milestones that show progress in the desired direction for both – you and the directive leader. They don’t need to know details about your bigger agenda, but they have to feel comfortable that the agenda they have “set with you” is fulfilling. Creating that comfort zone for the group or the leader that sets the new demands and direction is crucial to keeping them engaged and finding the right moment to boost your internal agenda in the right moment. It may sound sneaky and behind the scenes, but it works as a Swiss clock because when the right moment comes, the leader of the group of leaders is ready to embrace the change you are working toward, and you are prepared with a solution. That benefits everyone – the organization, your internal self-accepting and engagement, and the person who changed the agenda EGO and understanding for the impact they make with the “new direction” they set. Going to each checkpoint and ticking the milestone as done for both – you and the directive source – benefits everyone and creates some internal balance for positivity in the long run.
IN CONCLUSION:
We don’t like what we see as a change in some situations. It is up to us to give up and run away or focus on doing what is right by learning how to balance stakeholders’ priorities with our agenda. The second choice creates pure, decisive leadership. Now, what is your thought here? Are you a runner, or are you a self-fulfilling leader? Are you sure? – Think again…
The Human place - a path from you to yourself 